Overview of The Gottman Method:
The Gottman Method of Couples Therapy
The Gottman Method of Couples Therapy is based on Dr. John Gottman’s research that began in the 1970’s and continues to this day. The research has focused on what makes relationships succeed or fail. From this research, Drs. John and Julie Gottman have created a method of therapy that emphasizes “nuts-and-bolts” approach to improving clients’ relationships. Katie is trained in this method of couple’s therapy and the following is a general overview of what it entails for couple’s who decide to start this particular form of therapy with Katie.
This method is designed to help teach specific tools to deepen friendship and intimacy in your relationship, and to enhance communication between you both. To help you productively manage conflicts, you will be given strategies to manage “resolvable problems” and to dialogue about “gridlocked” (or perpetual) issues. Katie will also work with you to help you appreciate your relationship’s strengths and to gently navigate through its vulnerabilities.
Gottman Method Couples Therapy consists of five parts:
· Assessment (see below)
· Treatment (see below)
· “Phasing Out” of Therapy (disclosed in consent form)
· Termination (disclosed in consent form)
· Outcome Evaluation (disclosed in consent form)
First Session (Couples Session)
In this session, Katie will speak with you both about the history of your relationship together, areas of concern, and possible goals for therapy. The present fee for each couples session is $250 in 2024.
Second Session (Individual Sessions)
After the initial session, you will both be invited to do an individual session each with Katie. This route is advised so Katie can understand your personal history, including any events from past relationships that could be affecting your relationship at present and experiences of therapy if you have been before. This will also give each of you an opportunity to share thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. The present fee for an individual session is $180 in 2024.
Third Session (Couples Session)
In this final session of assessment, Katie will share her recommendations for treatment/therapy goals to focus on. This will be based off the previous sessions and the Gottman Relationship Check-up. This is a collaborative decision where you both are encouraged to consider what you believe would be best to spend some time working on. Interventions designed to increase closeness and intimacy are used to improve friendship, deepen emotional connection, and create changes which enhance your shared goals as a couple. Conflict interventions are designed to replace negative patterns which lead to relationship demise with positive interactions aimed at repairing past hurts. Relapse prevention can also be addressed.
The Assessment Phase
The Gottman Questionnaires - An MRI for Your Relationship
Early in the assessment phase, and after meeting you in the first session, Katie will invite you both to complete an online relationship assessment, the Gottman Relationship Check-up, to help Katie better understand your relationship. This assessment is fully HIPAA compliant, automatically scores a couples’ strengths and challenges, and provides detailed clinical feedback and suggestions for a treatment plan with specific recommendations for intervention.
There is a cost to the Gottman Relationship Check-up ($39 USD) and this is paid directly to the Gottman Institute through an online portal. It is strongly advised this be done before moving forward so that Katie can thoroughly understand the dynamics within your relationship, and most appropriate strategies to implement. This typically takes 1-2hours to complete. During the completion of these, it is advised that you do not discuss your answers with your partner and that you both maintain confidentiality to allow each of you to answer the questions without fear of any repercussions. Please respect each other’s right to say “no” during this phase.
You will be encouraged to attend a minimum of three sessions as outlined above.
Thereafter, the length of therapy will be determined by your specific needs and goals. During therapy, your progress will be assessed, and you will be encouraged to communicate about what you feel is working well and is not working well along your journey. Most of the work will involve sessions where you are seen together as a couple, where you will be expected to bring elements you would like to discuss to sessions. There may be times when additional individual sessions are recommended, depending on what arises in the couples session. You will be given skills-based exercises to practice between sessions and/or reflection questions if Katie believes there are deeper levels of introspection required to get your relationship to where you both want it to be. You will both be expected to implement the strategies provided as not completing the assigned strategies will likely affect the level of success on your journey. You will both be encouraged to raise any questions or concerns that you have as you both move along the therapy journey. This is part of the collaboration element.
The Treatment Phase
The Gottman Method Couples Therapy has been shown to have benefits for couples. It often leads to a significant reduction of feelings of distress, resolution of specific problems, and a stronger relationship. In many cases, it has moved couples from thinking of ending their relationship to recommitting to it in new ways. However, it is important that you also understand the risks involved.
Despite the “nuts and bolts” approach of this method, you will be asked to address areas of difficulty in your relationship. As a result, you and/or your partner may experience uncomfortable feelings like sadness, guilt, anxiety, anger, loneliness, and helplessness. Your therapy may also involve recalling unpleasant aspects of your history together and/or individually. Difficulties between the two of you may become temporarily amplified. Additionally, difficulties with people important to you may also occur, family secrets may be disclosed/uncovered, and despite Katie’s best efforts, therapy may not work out well for you.
Couples therapy will only be effective in cases where both partners put in a good faith effort to work on their problems and their relationship. Deliberate dishonesty or deceit, unwillingness to be introspective and to take responsibility for one’s actions, or a lack of interest and motivation to engage in the couples’ therapy process by one or both partners will undermine the therapy.
Thus, Katie can make no guarantees about how the therapy process will be for the two of you specifically or what the outcome will be for your relationship.
Limitations of The Gottman Method & When Couples Therapy Won’t Work
Who Are “The Gottmans?”
Dr John and Julie Gottman, renowned relationship researchers, have dedicated over four decades to studying couples. Their body of work includes more than 200 academic journal articles and 46 books. They are the co-founders of The Gottman Institute and Love Lab, establishing themselves as global authorities in their field. Recently, they appeared on the podcast “Diary of a CEO” discussing their journey and method.